Not The F1 News: Von Mosleygate

Wednesday 16th April 2008

Not The F1 News brings you all the stories that are patently absurd and could never happen...

How Long...?
There were renewed recalls for Max Mosley to resign last week when it was announced that the FIA president wasn't going to face a jury of his peers until June 3rd. That's June 3rd 2009.

Pope Likely To Black Flag Max
The bizarre and arcane world of the FIA has been revealed by the Von Mosleygate shenanigans. As a result of the focus brought on by Max's Sex Shame vote on June 3rd we now know that the Vatican gets a say in who becomes the FIA chairman. It's believed that the Pope is not a big fan of vice girls, dominatrices, flagellation, 'Allo 'Allo, voyeurism and sado-masochism. However the fact that Max shared a nice cup of tea with his hookers afterwards is said to be in his favour...

...though the fact that the Pope was at one time in the Hitler Youth perhaps doesn't bode quite so well.

Prince Albert Stands Firm
The Automobile Club de Monaco is believed to be unhappy about the prospect of Max Mosley shaking the royal hand at the Monaco Grand Prix. Following the revelations in the News of the World about Max Mosley's various sexual practices there is an outside chance that Max could have been touching a Prince Albert moments before touching Prince Albert.

Red Bull or Pepsi Max?
The hookers at the centre of the Von Mosleygate scandal revealed that at 67 Max was past his prime in terms of sexual endeavour. One of the girls said that the FIA president didn't have the energy any more - which may explain why Max's interest in energy recovery systems has been renewed after banning them a decade ago.

Max Makes A Beeline For Jordan
Despite making a huge fuss over the Lewis Hamilton racism incident at Barcelona during winter testing, the President of the FIA is not going to be present at the launch of his F1 Against Racism scheme at the Spanish GP. Instead it has been announced that he will attend the inaugural round of the Jordan WRC rally.

Max is going to join several spectators and 11,000 goats to watch the first ever Rally Jordan. There were expected to be around 16,000 goats, but 5,000 are boycotting the event because of the alleged Nazi links surrounding the FIA president.

And finally... Zimbabwe President Robert Mugabe has sent a letter of support to Max in his bid to cling on to power in the face of overwhelming public condemnation. An executive at the FIA said they were still considering the possibility of Zanu PF helping with the secret ballot on June 3rd.

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